It is amazing how God works in our lives. We believe we know what is best for us, what would fit into the plan for our lives. As the old saying goes, when you want to hear God laugh, tell him your plans!
In my last post, I told you about an upcoming meeting at MD Anderson where I would discuss clinical trials with my doctor. Here are the results of the meeting.
My creatine levels improved, meaning my kidney function improved. Great, right? Well, while discussing clinical trials with my doctor, she told me of two trials where I would most likely qualify for participantion. One trial would use a similar cocktail of drugs used to treat active Myeloma but in a smaller dose and the other would create a vaccine using my own DNA as the basis for the shot. My doctor believed the vaccine trial would be best for me as the first trial would use the same therapies she would prescribe should I go active.
If the low dose therapy of the same drugs used in any first line therapy did not work, I would need to find alternative therapies as my first line of treatment. The risk would be too great. The decision was made to submit me for inclusion in the vaccine trial. I left Houston feeling very hopeful that something would finally happen to stop the slow progression of my disease, perhaps even put me into remission.
Here, I experience through their posts the raw destructive power of Multiple Myeloma
I waited for a call from the clinical team for a week and then started managing everyone, this is my profession after all. After much prodding of my clinical team, I received a message saying my Kidney function was too good to allow participation in the trial. I was disappointed but knew in my heart that God had other plans and He would reveal them in His time, not mine.
Six months later, at my next visit with my clinical team in Houston, I asked about the vaccine trial. My doctor told me that the clinician assigned to that trial recently left MD Anderson and my doctor was now in charge of the trial. Great news, right? Well, my doctor informed me that the vaccine trial did not meet efficacy parameters and would shut down. Basically, it did not work. She also told me that if I had been part of that clinical trial, it could possibly prevent inclusion in future trials that I might need to save my life.
And there it was, God prevented me from getting what I thought I needed in place of protecting me from myself. God's plan is always better than mine! My doctor also said that I am firmly on a path to begin treatment, although we do not know when.
While waiting for my last appointment, I joined a Facebook group from the HealthTree Foundation. Here, I experience through their posts the raw destructive power of Multiple Myeloma. I must say, this has been sobering. The group members speak frankly about their struggles and their triumphs, it is both scary and hopeful all at the same time. Why would I subject myself to something like this you may ask? My mind needs to understand what I am up against so I can prepare mentally to fight through the suck that lies before me.
I know one thing, God is not too big to handle any movement I may take to active Myeloma. He has planned this from the day I was born and He will see me through for His glory. My boldness in this proclamation is meant to provide comfort to someone fighting Cancer right now. The only way I know to fight through and Live Through Cancer is to rely on the only One who can control the outcome. My trust is in Him, not me, and I will take each day as He provides.